I was a mess, a complete mess! I was in shock and could not wrap my head around it. It actually took me 3 days after the surgery when she was recovering in the NICU to accept the fact that this was reality. I would seriously burst into tears at any moment. Anything could set me off. I could not hold it together which was not okay because I needed to be strong not only for my new baby but for my 3 yr old little girl. She was such a trooper and honestly amazing through it all but she was scared to and when I broke down it did not help! She was honestly the source of why I broke down a lot because I felt like I was neglecting her by being at the hospital everyday and then sending her home with Grandma 4 hours away from me for an entire week! I was heart broken by it!
Once I accepted it all I was able to be a much better mom and wife! Did I still have my moments of breaking down yes. But I was able to control them enough to wait until I was away from everyone.
My sister gave me a print of her favorite quote "courage dear heart" she wanted me to put it in baby Os hospital room. Here is a photo of that day.
Turns out I was right. Not only did the terrifying experience bring me and Brandon closer together but it brought me closer to God. After pouring my heart out to him day after day I trust him on a completely different level now and I will forever be grateful for that!!!
I hope that by hearing about my experience that it might give you the courage to trust in God as well and to accept whatever is going on in your life so that you too can start growing and gain the courage you need to get through it!