May 21, 2015

Courage, dear heart - My NICU Experience

March 5th my beautiful baby girl was born and we thought everything was fantastic until the following morning the NICU head nurse and my Dr came in to tell us that they thought my sweet babe had a blocked bowel. After several tests they concluded that she needed emergency surgery and within an hour she was on her way to the airport to be Life Flighted 4 hours north of where we live for surgery.

I was a mess, a complete mess! I was in shock and could not wrap my head around it. It actually took me 3 days after the surgery when she was recovering in the NICU to accept the fact that this was reality. I would seriously burst into tears at any moment. Anything could set me off.  I could not hold it together which was not okay because I needed to be strong not only for my new baby but for my 3  yr old little girl. She was such a trooper and honestly amazing through it all but she was scared to and when I broke down it did not help! She was honestly the source of why I broke down a lot because I felt like I was neglecting her by being at the hospital everyday and then sending her home with Grandma 4 hours away from me for an entire week! I was heart broken by it!

Once I accepted it all I was able to be a much better mom and wife! Did I still have my moments of breaking down yes. But I was able to control them enough to wait until I was away from everyone.

My sister gave me a print of her favorite quote "courage dear heart" she wanted me to put it in baby Os hospital room. Here is a photo of that day.

Several days after I did I realized that quote was as much for me as it was for her. I needed courage and faith. Courage to be strong and there for both my girls as best I could. Faith in my Heavenly Father that everything would work out the way it was supposed too. Faith that Brandon and I were in that situation for a reason. There had to be something for us to learn from it all!

Turns out I was right.  Not only did the terrifying experience bring me and Brandon closer together but it brought me closer to God. After pouring my heart out to him day after day I trust him on a completely different level now and I will forever be grateful for that!!!

I hope that by hearing about my experience that it might give you the courage to trust in God as well and to accept whatever is going on in your life so that you too can start growing and gain the courage you need to get through it!

I'll be honest it still scares me to see her in that picture! I'm so happy she is a chubby little one now! Prayers are answered!!!!! 

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